I had the best day (in a long time) Sundae.

-I laughed wen I was out and I laughed wen I was on the fone.

Buh as I laid there, unable to sleep once again, I began thinking ..and then crying.

Last wk I realised that I am insane and this wk I realised that I am a thief.

What did I steal? ..and from who? 

Well here's how my thoughts started:

I remembered being in kindy. We were separated by a fence. I use to call him over because I was young and scared in kindy. And then there was the time where he rode the bike and let me sit on the back as he rode around the garden. He was really important to me. My brother.

Then I was thinking abt why he's such a mess now. I realised. I was because of me. I stole everything from him ever since I was a kid.

In kindy, I stole his lunch and recess time so he cud keep me company.

In primary skwl, I stole his self esteem.

In high skwl, I stole his achievements by achieving more.

He was really smart. He had friends. He had dreams and hope for his future. He was nice to every1 and respectful to my mum. He was literally my idol.

I tried to keep up with him because, being the third daughter, I dnt get much attention although Im the youngest. I looked up to him. Buh CBC messed him up pretty bad and i began to surpass him.

The more I achieved, the more he failed.

Now he's a mess and I hate him. BUH in the end, it was my fault!

I never realised how selfish I was until now.

Now I have everything. I get everything.

Its not fair. Not fair for him.

I asked myself, if I had the chance to, wud I give it all back to him?

And I cried even more because I said no!

I like what I have and I dnt want to give it up! Why am I like THIS!?!